Done......

In the effort to continually make excuses for people around me in hopes that I wouldn't have to see the facts as they really are, I think I have finally come to the end....well, probably not even close, but "perceptively" closer.....I am done.

After a conversation on Mon night, I blurted out something that has made me continue to think, since. People in our society long for relationships, but care for comfort MORE. This "idol" strips even the "christian" community from falling in love with their Creator....they settle for the yeast which the "Thief" uses to "steal and destroy..." and "the yeast works it way through the whole batch." There are two immediate responses to this...1) Accept that this is the way people are and lower the bar of expectations, which most have done or ARE doing...2) Move out of the country to another place to THINK they are any "better." But what I blurted out as a 3rd option has actually got me considering my role......

3) Speak judgment into the the community of people surrounding me as did the Prophets of old. I find myself, though able to adapt, NOT having the qualities of a Biblical Prophet. There is a level of detachment they must have as they proclaim truth that I lack...feelings of people are not really considered, or should I say considered enough to tame the tongue. Times when Prophets arose, a majority of the people were godless or "idle" in Israel....I would say 95%ish. The Prophets rained judgment on the people, told them they were cowards, and that they were lost....

This 3rd option is becoming more and more appropriate to me as I see more and more people LAME AS HELL, not giving a shit about the Father, His Kingdom, nor even their own lives.

I suggested, to this Monday night "Bible Study," a book by a community that lives for the Kingdom first and foremost (or at least talks correctly about what it SHOULD be...I only say this because I do not live AMONG them, daily, to truthfully say if they ARE putting Him first) and the "intuition" in me KNEW what was going to take place. After I could not attend the Monday "idol" time of worshiping comfort in a programmed meeting time, the other guys still met to discuss the intro to the book we were "suppose" to continue onto next. At the very least, the book was free, but to my complete and utter EXPECTATION, I talk to one of them today and they said they would rather read another book instead.

My first response was sadness, along with wondering why God would continue surrounding me with people who are dying, if not dead already, in their spirituality....

See, another quality of a Prophet is to be angry with the people. I tend to NEVER be angry with people, I get mad at electronics! I ultimately KNOW it is God "who works all things to His ends." So, why get mad at people, it is God ultimately in control. Regardless of this, I am finally DONE, tired of lame people who choose death, not life. I am sick of being the one to always "see what I am NOT doing, or doing wrong that causes these circumstances."

Point Blank: People need judgment for choosing to follow the "golden calf." Judgment from God above has been held off too long to this culture. As the Prophets called fire from heaven to envelope the people, it shall come to pass again.......

No more excuses, people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NIV Ephesians 5:14 for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." 15 Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Hmmmm

Why I am posting, I don't know.

I have been divorced for almost a year...I am seeing more, everyday, how wretched I am. My faith, questionably (if that is a word), is nothing more than another life strategy to gain control and make life work, as best as possible, so that I get the most creature comfort and gain....I am full of shit.

On top of this, I realize how much everyone is full of shit as well. I have always believed that true life comes from "losing your life." It amazes me how in the brink of darkness, where I sit, I realize more and more how dark I am, which I kinda mentally have prepared myself for. However, the surprise is how much it ALSO exposes just how ugly other people are too! A best friend, who I thought was just that, was exposed as bullshit. Not only through lack, but through the surprising initiation of those who I never expected, brought this illumination.

Daily I refute my own beliefs, managing them with my own conscience, per se, to see if they are real...only to question if this process in of itself leads to this confusion....and back again. Fools, you who think you know my problem, as you try in your own mind to use logic to say I shouldn't use logic by "over-analysis." Doesn't matter, anyways, since people don't care enough to sacrifice themselves; I am one of those people...I wasn't one of those people, I thought. Maybe I am not, and this is just a "season." Prodigal son returns after the wound heals enough or the cry for pain meds becomes too much to resist any longer. What is true, what is not. God fucking seems to be a Deist. Setting the world in motion to not interact except through my head making excuses for Him all the time. Convincing myself to believe more instead of Him actually showing up.....on and on it goes...who knows! My view of Him is so skewed....He skews it.....I skew it.....people skew it...lame.

ONward and ...UPward?